This is for engaged couples affected by COVID-19 to have words to their feelings, for loved ones to understand, and as an open letter from me.
COVID-19 robbed Adam and I of one of our dreams. We postponed our wedding six days before our original date of Saturday, March 21st in the beginning of the pandemic. Everything was ready to go - the vendors paid, my nails done, the bags packed - to leave that Thursday. I know with absolute certainty we did the right thing by postponing. That doesn't mean I didn't cry and that it didn't hurt. I grieved in my own way as I had lost something dear to my heart.
"I grieved in my own way. I lost something dear to my heart. "
We postponed to October 31st and I thought by this time in July I would have more clarity on whether to keep the new date or postpone again. I wonder everyday if things will change and I worry way too much for my own good. I want this day to happen. I want it sooooo badly, but the questions about financial consequences, what other people will think, and "what if" situations consistently nagged at me, especially the possibility of someone contracting COVID. The thought of dealing with the guilt and responsibility of that outcome was agonizing.
Due to the constant worry, recent rise in cases, and the sheer desire to have our day be just as wonderful as we originally envisioned, we decided to postpone again to October 2021. The overwhelming emotion was relief. I thought I would be just as devastated as the first postponement but my mind was clear and my heart knew this was the right thing to do. There were still some tears shed, don't get me wrong!
"The overwhelming emotion was relief. I thought I would be just as devastated as the first postponement but my mind was clear and my heart knew this was the right thing to do."
In the midst of the decision to postpone, we made another important decision for us.
I never expected to be the person to elope in complete secrecy, but here I am as a Mrs. and with my amazing husband by my side! Eloping was simple, sweet and short for us. I felt like I could breathe again. (And I could also get all my paperwork done for my name change before voting in November and before buying our house!)
To some, this may seem inconsequential, trivial and probably whiny. I recognize that people are suffering in horrendous ways in the world today. I admit I am privileged, blessed and lucky to have many things go right for me. That is why I am trying my best to grow and help others out.
For the COVID couples out there:
I FEEL YOU. I TRULY KNOW. I CRY WITH YOU. YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID.
I know the daily struggle of the sadness of a dream taken away and the years/days of planning behind the scenes.
I know the happiness you thought you would experience and the special time with loved ones.
I know the expectation that you would feel fulfilled and joyful on your day, and to know your postponed wedding will be complicated no matter what new date or year it takes place in.
I know the judgement and questions you get from other people.
I know you are facing tough decisions financially.
I know you have difficult family considerations.
I know the hopeful feeling that just maybe, just maybe things will work out!
to face the
Mrs. Hannah Mortensen